The after moments

Every once in a while, something happens in my life that shapes my life profoundly.  While I realize that every moment has great significance (something I'm discovering more and more of recently!) there are a few that seem to change my life so much that the rest of my life is now characterized by being the after that moment. 

Everyone has them.

The moment I peered into his eyes, his soul, and promised forever.

The moment I saw the two pink lines.

The moment they layed her on my chest.

You know, those moments.

I think God speaks to everyone in their own native language. Their own heart-language.  Mine has always been literature.  Funny thing is, I didn't even know it until this year.  

I was talking with a friend, a new developing friendship, and was asked about my testimony- how I came to ask Christ into my life.  I explained about my sporadic childhood Sunday school attendance and how my parents introduced me to God and His Story. I talked about how my mom had continued to pour influence into my life by giving me Christian music and books.  And how at 13, in the middle of my parent's marriage crumbling, in the beginning of my growing out of childhood and into that scary teenage world, He called me through a story.

It was about a girl. Fourteen.  Who loved to daydream and thought boys were cute and really didn't know much about God and Jesus and all of that.  Who longed for something deep, real.  It was filled with Scripture quotes, and it breathed new life and hope into my life.  The main character's name was Christy.  

And it was not a coincidence.  

God used that story penned with ink and paper to open my eyes to the Love story he was writing on each moment of my life.  To woo me to Him through good and bad.  

And while I have turned away, even ran away, He's pulled me right back. 

The last few years I've felt the tug.  Slow. Steady.

I've heard the whispers.  Soft. Faint. Strong.

Look. See. Open your eyes.  It's all for you daughter. It's from Me.

I live a very blessed life.  The last few years have hardly even been rippled with anything hard, anything difficult.  And yet still I wait.  For that phone call or the word from a loved one, a friend even. I wait for the siren to wail or the glass to shatter.  Something to tear my blessed, happy life apart.  

In the smack dab middle of a beautiful season of goodness and Light, I wait in paralyzing fear of the Dark seasons.  

Experience tells me they will come.  Even Scriptures reinforce the reality.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." James 1:2
Notice it doesn't say if you meet trials.  

I wasn't even aware that I was allowing it to happen, but one little word was haunting me, consuming me and throwing a big, looming shadow into the light of my joy. 

When.

It's not like I haven't been enjoying this good life.  But there was this little voice always creeping in. 

Better enjoy it now...before the "when" happens and all this goodness, blessing comes crashing down.

What a terrible, horrible lie to believe.  How could I have missed the rest of that beautiful, gut-wrenchingly real verse?

Count. It. All. Joy.

Why?

Look daughter.  See.  Look what I've given you.  Just wait.  There's more.

The whispers were getting louder.  My prayers slowly consisted of more "thank you fors" than "please help me withs."  I didn't even notice.

Teachings on Sundays, talks with husband, family, friends; they all started the pointing, the directing. I knew my heart was being directed, on a quest for something more, something bigger. But it was like getting directions in a foreign land in a language that I don't speak.

"We don't yet see things clearly.  We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.  But is won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" 1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message

The fog was heavy, but the search was on.  I still didn't even notice. Fortunately for me, God's good at getting my attention...even when I'm wasting it away.  It happened slow.

I was looking for coupons.  Happened upon a  link.  Which took me to a completely unrelated but wonderful blog written by a woman who had lost her baby.  Who also helps lead a book club online.  I kept coming back.  Kept peering into her life, gaining some encouragement, wisdom, and laughs through her words.  She introduced the next book they would study.  The enthusiasm for the book's author seemed to nearly ooze out of every word.  I followed the link to the author's blog.

And started to read.  And started to change.  And started to see.  

I put her book on my "to do" list.

Months went by. My husband encouraged me to dive into His Word daily.

And He kept pulling.  

I saw it at my friend's house.  Mentioned that I really want to get that book.  She loaned it to me. 

And God Spoke.

One Thousand Gifts A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.
To live now.  To live thanks.  To live yes.  To live Grace.  

Count. It All. Joy.

The fog was lifting...

Through words spoke into darkness. Through carved tablets of stone. Through dreams to a young virgin.  Through a voice loud and clear.  A descending dove. Through a humble Teacher. Through drops of blood. Through living, pulsing, nail scarred hands.  

Through young adult fiction.  Through a mom's whisper.  A dad's tears.  Through a husband's embrace.  Through bouncing blond curls and laughing blue eyes. Through an internet search.  Through a dare to count the ways.

I'm taking the dare.  I'm counting.

Why?

Because it's good.

Because it's easy.

Because it's changing me and I love it.

Because how could I not?

Because I can hear Him now.

Because today is an after day.

Join me?

Love,

Krissi